a LIFE journey: Floating by Faith

Wow, I’ve been away for a while.

I haven’t forgotten about this but it’s just so hard to set a time to sit and write. Anyways, here I am today! Have grace upon me, all. 😀

Today’s post is on… Floating by Faith 🙂

I am no swimmer.
The swimming style I do best is the rock (cos I sink to the bottom) :’D
So when I went to the Dead Sea last year… I was scared. Naturally!

Science says I’ll be able to float, and even people that had their first try also tried to comfort me.

But you know, sometimes you can’t believe what people say until you’ve experienced it for yourself…

The Dead Sea

The girls that was with me tried to give me advice on how to float.

Either I didn’t follow the advice to the tee, or I’m just not a born floater – When I tried the technique, I didn’t float properly. Instead, I got a splash full of really salty water in my mouth and eyes. OUCH. (Remember, the scene is the Dead Sea here).

Of course I knew why my technique didn’t work out.

I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t believe it would work for ME.
I believed it would work for everybody else, but somehow I just excluded myself out of the miracle (this happens all the time).

After spitting out mouthfuls of salty stuff from my mouth, I decided to try again.

I’m not about to leave the Dead Sea without me floating!!! #determined.

“Just lean back,” one of the girls said to me. “It’ll be okay!”

So. I just closed my eyes this time, hoping, hoping that it will work for me.
“Catch me sea,” that’s what I was thinking hahahaha. (SO MUCH TRUST ON THE SEA!!)

‘Just lean back,’ the phrase repeated in my mind.






I floated!


Okay to y’all who can swim, this isn’t a big thing for you guys okay. But for me, this is a BIG thing.

I floated, and all I had to do was lean back.
I had to do something on my part first, but when I did – the miracle happened!

(I hope you know where I’m getting at here).

Sometimes for the miracle to happen, we need to make our move first.
Yeah, that first move is so scary!! Whatever that first move is. Whether it’d be tithing, or giving your relationship to the Lord, or giving your whole life, or even just giving up your phone for a little bit!

Whatever your first move is, I know how scary it is.

We need to move, so He’s able to move.

I needed to lean backwards (move) so that the sea can catch me and enable me to float.
In the same way we need to lean towards God (move) so that He can catch us and guide us to green pastures.

Moving towards God without being able to see what the result is – is called FAITH.

I feel like my faith has been stretched time and time again this year, and as the year is coming to a close – there is a big finale for sure.

But I know that God is faithful, and He reminds me so.

Some of you may know, or don’t, but I’ve taken a detour in my teaching career and currently studying Counselling.

How my faith has been stretched:
1. Losing income is unavoidable
2. Going into unknown territories
3. I don’t even know if I’ll have a job out of these studies
4. Questioning myself all the time: Why am I doing this? What is my purpose?
5. Seeking Him as ultimate provider

My feelings have gone up and down in the past months, but one thing still remains in my heart. It is the pull of ‘keep going even if you can’t see the miracle yet’.

So many times during this semester I wanted to pull out and withdraw. But so many times the Spirit in me says, ‘No, you gotta keep going.’

There were times I challenged God. “You brought me here. You open doors for me God.”
You know what?
He did.

Of course, I had to do the work. I had to move first.

I emailed many places to find placements for my studies (requirement of 200 hours face to face), and God definitely opened doors. Interviews flew in, and offer of placements did too.

I believe God is at work, all the time. There has been alignments during my studies, to meet specific people, to have conversations with them, to connect with them – by no means an accident.

I am grateful for where He’s taken me, and I’m grateful for the people around me that supported me in prayers as well as encouragements throughout this process.

It’s only the beginning (so people please stay in my life).

God reminds me that there is more to life than just living for myself, and I pray throughout my studies I can be a vessel and blessing.

Some thoughts 🙂
>> Faith is when we move, but not knowing what lies ahead of us. It is when we are close to Him and His wants. I saw myself in the boat, in the middle of the sea. But the fog is so thick, and I can only see what was immediately in front of me. But I just needed to keep going, one step at a time.
>> Are you in the situation like that too? Is the fog around you so thick that you can’t even see? Sometimes we can’t feel hope either, but know that hope and joy is in the midst of us – even if it doesn’t feel like it!
>> Having people around me means a lot to me, especially people of faith. I’m so grateful to be surrounded by people that are grounded in His values and Kingdom. What about you? Is there someone that can root for you, pick you up when you fall – and push you to do your best?

Love and blessings xx



a LIFE journey: Being thankful and letting go.

Tell me, I’m not alone in this.
Tell me, you’ve felt it too!

Tell  me that it’s hard for you to let go as much as it is hard for me.

To let go of my dear possessions! Like, the coat that I just sold on TradeMe.
Or just tell me, that it is indeed just a first world problem.

“Why did you decide to sell it in the first place if you’re so weary about letting it go?”

I have my reasons!

  1. I don’t wear it as often.
    I would pick other coats or jackets over the one that I have sold.
    It wasn’t touched at all this winter.
    I have a system for my clothes hanger that shows me which clothes I have used this season and which ones I haven’t use.
    So, this coat was just there filling up closet space.
  2. Making space.
    I try to practice making space in my room. That means either selling, donating or throwing things out that are not used. I think I’ve only practiced this in the last 2-3 years of my life.
  3. Extra money is always good.
    Instead of it not being used, why not let someone else have it so they may use it? Also, the extra cash is always good. Right?

Somehow along my life journey, I have become to be a person that requires extra effort to let go. I’m talking about letting go of both sentimental items as well as emotional feelings such as anger, discomfort, etc that I may have in me.

I like to keep things with me and emotions in me.

In my mind I’ve always thought that I can let go whenever.

But actually, things only when you intentionally do it.

Learning about being intentional has been life changing actually. Of course, the intention should always be paired with the action. Otherwise our intentions are useless.

I think what really encouraged me to let go of items was from reading the book “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin.

In one of the chapters she talked about decluttering. Clutter mentally drains us and letting go will bring us to a happier place. Rubin is one of the many who has reminded me to really bask in today and what it has to offer.

I also came across the Marie Kondo method, letting go of things that doesn’t ‘Spark joy’ anymore.

Reflecting in my own life I have found that I have a hard time of ‘moving on’ or adjusting to new circumstances. Things constantly change in this world and in my life. I learnt this at a young age.

I’ve changed to so many schools when I was around 7-13 years old. At 7 I had moved from Jakarta to Auckland. Then at 10, Auckland to Hastings. 11, Hastings to North Shore, Auckland. In the same year, I moved (again) to South Auckland.  I was finally settled in one school during my high school years.

I think by holding on to sentimental objects as well as holding on to emotions inside of me was my way of me controlling my world.

Funnily enough (not really), it is actually self damaging.

Thankfully, somehow I realise this and it encouraged me to go on a journey of letting go of my things by donating, throwing things away and selling them.

At first, I donated most of the things that I didn’t use or feel attached to anymore. I just couldn’t have enough patience at the time to wait until someone whisked my things away from me and giving me money in return. I just wanted them gone!

Around the same time, my colleague talked to me about Marie Kondo’s method of thanking the items that has served us (she recommended me her book). Personally, I found it quite releasing. Especially to let go of things that were quite sentimental for me that brings me precious memories. To appreciate the things we are letting go doesn’t mean that we are forgetting them. We acknowledge them and we choose to move forward.

My mindset was shifting.

It is okay to let go, and it is okay to not always be in total control.
God is in control.
Changes are unavoidable.
God never changes.

It is good to appreciate and acknowledge the memories in items or even in emotions.

This was confirming what Jesus has been saying all along, and here I was trying to get a clearer understanding.

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
– Matthew 6:19-20

What are we holding on to things for?
When I was attached to worldly items, I feel like I need to protect it. Somehow it has become my idols. I was bringing those things with me when I moved here and there. It became a heavy burden, but I still did it.

Isn’t life more to just holding on to things that doesn’t even serve you anymore? At the end of the day, I have come to understand that life is not just about HAVING things. Life is about the experiences and the legacy we get to leave behind.

What about letting go of certain emotions? Is life about holding on to bitterness and anger? Perhaps, to release and let go of emotions is not as easy as letting go of items. Bitterness take root in our hearts and it may take years for us to heal.

Letting go is a process.

It doesn’t take one minute, one hour, one day.

And it’s okay. It’s okay to acknowledge that we are on a journey.

Slowly the bitterness will turn into gratefulness.

So tell me that I’m not alone in this.
Share with me your struggles of letting go.

I’d love to hear it.




a LIFE journey: Hillsong Conference 2017

Hillsong Conference is held every winter in Sydney. Thousands and thousands of believers from around the world come to hear the Word, to see visions, to glorify Him.

Each year, about 30,000 people come. When we worship together, oh man.
I get to see a glimpse of Heaven.

Image may contain: one or more people and crowd
image from Hillsong.com
I am humbled and privileged to say that this was my fourth year going to the conference. I feel that the Lord would speak to me. Each year He would give me specific messages.

The theme for this year was: Closer.

It was a reminder that God is closer than we think. He is there at all times. His spirit is within us, and has never left us.

Every year that I have gone to Hillsong Conference, I am reminded that I get to be apart of the bigger body of Christ. The church is the people, and the people is all over the world.

Again and again, the Spirit would remind me that I am not mistakenly birthed – I am planned according to Heaven’s will. The Spirit reminds me that there is an enemy that we all have in common; in fact, he desires for us to think we are generic. However, my Creator says otherwise. Chosen, made for a specific purpose – different to the person next to us and different to those around the world.. We are uniquely made by His mighty breath, and we are His children (and therefore we have a great inheritance). But the devil wants us to think otherwise, because he can’t get into Heaven again (not today, not ever again – shame on you! Yes I am rubbing it on your face, you devil).

So let’s tell him to back off, because we are the Kings and Queens – we are the Princes and Princesses of the Kingdom that is far bigger, much more beautiful, mightier than we can ever think or imagine.

I have had this longing to be treated like a Princess for sooo long. Yet I try to get this longing filled by my peers, family and the people of this world — by imperfect humans. I try and I try, yet the longing is not met. I get disappointed and sad because my expectations aren’t met.

However I am reminded that He is my King and I am His princess. He’s the one that’ll treat me right, even if the people around me haven’t and won’t. He will always guide me to green pastures even when the world wants to drag me away. He’s the one that continuously cheers me on and says to me that I have been chosen.

Even though I can’t do all things, He still wants to use me as a vessel. He wants to work through me so there’s glory on earth as there is in Heaven. Let Thy will be done, O Lord! But alas, I have to carry my cross everyday so I may follow Him.

One of the visions He gave me during the Conference: I saw that He wants to shatter the things that I have built up for myself. My ego, pride, my sins. The idols that are in my heart, that are preventing me to get closer to Him. He wants to break them, demolish them. It is when they are shattered to the ground that I may be able to feel Him again, embracing me, comforting me even in my darkest days. Comforting me even though my heart is not pure.

I saw Him rushing towards me, like the Father who rushes towards the prodigal son. Jesus runs towards me, in His heavenly dressed robes and crown. Because I am His.

Oh, dear Lord. There I was standing with a tainted heart, dark and evil and yet you see the true me. You choose to see beyond what I have done and choose to see me with love again and again. You choose me over and over.

I was lost in a moment
A glimmer in time
Like a child chasing shadows
My back to the light
I was lost in a fog till You caught my eye
Through the smoke and the mirrors
A glimmer of life

I know there’s a place I belong
Where I’ll see the fullness of love
A child face to face with my God 
Lost in Your awesome wonder 
While I wait I will not be afraid
My faith will remain all the same
My hope in the things not yet seen
Found in the greatest of these – Glimmer in the Dust. Hillsong UNITED.

This is my prayer, that you help me shatter the idols in my heart so I may worship the one true God. I bring nothing when I came into this world, and I will bring nothing when I leave. But I pray that I will leave something on this earth, and I pray that it’ll be a great legacy that I will leave behind.

Take my heart
Take my soul
Take my mind and I will
Give my thoughts
Give my all
Give my life to follow You
Take my hands
Take my breath
Take my dreams and I will
Lift my eyes
Lift my faith
Lift my voice and worship You – Life. Hillsong UNITED.

All for you, Jesus.


PS. Overloaded post with songs. Sorry. Not sorry.
The album Wonder has become my life theme song right now :’D


I go TRAVEL: Kangaroo Valley, NSW

I live to travel.

I work, I save money, just so I can travel. Not really. But. I like travelling.
Wish I can get PAID to travel. Ahhh, wishlists…

I think it’s the sense of new-ness. Adventure. Out of the daily routine feeling.

There’s always a sense of wonder, and a sense of chill. I mean chill as in relaxing kind of way, not the creepy kind.

My soul really needed this trip.

I felt like I’ve been slugging away, working and being in the routine for the past six months – and I feel like I really deserve this getaway!

Going to Sydney in July have somehow become a yearly thing. I go to Hillsong Conference, but it has become where I can intentionally set time to just get away from whatever is happening in Auckland.

It’s a time where I can refresh my thoughts, my spiritual self as well as physical self. It’s a time where I can just slow down, and take care of me. Okay this all sounds a bit selfish, but I have my reasons! My job is to take care of people. My ministry at church is also to take care of people. Thus, I try to have a getaway at least twice a year to replenish.

I have realised that it is important to take care of me for the better of others as well as myself. (So I don’t go crazy mentally and then spread that around).

Anyways, this time round I thought it would be nice going to Kangaroo Valley – South of NSW. It’s a couple of hours drive from Sydney. We rented a car from Apex (will list down all the money we’ve spent below, who knows it could help ya!)

We didn’t get a GPS, so we just relied on our iPhones all the way (we figured they should have signal in Kangaroo Valley). We were on Optus and the signal was pretty good actually. For $2 a day, and getting 1gb – It was plenty for a tourist like me!

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#firstthingsfirst. (Egg tart from Chinatown!)

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We arrived in Kangaroo Valley around 8pm. We were kind of stuck in the Sydney rush hour traffic for a while. We also did a detour in Campbelltown to do some shopping at Coles for our dinner as well as other meals (we weren’t too sure what was in Kangaroo Valley, where I came from – going to smaller towns require us being prepared!).

Kangaroo Valley Holiday Park was where we were staying for the next two nights. We chose the Shoalhaven Cabin and it fits five people. It has cute bunks and a double bed. The cabin was really cosy and warm. They even had a heat pump, which we really adored!

The kitchen was really well set up. They had everything! Even a nespresso machine by Breville. They had wine glasses, electric frying pans – oh and on our deck there was a little BBQ. I honestly loved the place, and would love to stay there again.

(Pictures of the cabin below are from Booking.com – I didn’t really manage to get some photos of the cabin itself).

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Kangaroo Valley Holiday Park.

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We did cook our dinner, and most of our meals. We are people who finds it kind of soothing, and relaxing when we cook for other people (LOL).

Night numero uno: Humble dinner with potatoes, carrots, mince and egg aaaand some pink moscato of course… By Banrock.

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Twerking Eggs, Kangaroo Valley Dinner.

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Pink Moscato - Banrock

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Next day was Saturday, and instead of walking up to the falls (like I intended to do) – I thought it would be nice if we just explored the area.

So, we went to the township! I think that’s what they call it… We were in search for pies. Because one of us really loved pies. It is not me, I swear. But we went along with the idea anyways. Research shows that there’s a ‘to die for’ pie in town, and it’s a cheeseburger flavour! What!

We were so intrigued and we wanted to try it out.

We went to Southern Pies – For the Love of Pie (catchy!) for the cheeseburger pie. Once we got there, there were plenty of choices actually. They had many with absurd and quirky names, such as the Hangover Pie (which actually has some alcohol in it, lol!)

I don’t know why, but I just expected the cheeseburger pie to be, so-so. But OH MY GOODNESS. It was like, eating, literally – a cheeseburger from McDonalds but IN A PIE.

We were very mindblown. MINDBLOWN.

As good as pies goes, it was pretty good on flavour side of things. Although, I wasn’t fancying the pastry itself (I like the crunchy/flaky pastry). This had quite a thick pastry and I felt like I was eating a half cooked pie. However, I would definitely eat that pie again and I would recommend it to people. If I would give it a rating… 3.5/5. Price: $6 (dayumn, $6 for a pie, yo!) But mind you, I’m not an expert on food!

Just few meters down the road, there was another bakery. Apparently it is known for its Authentic Pies and Pastries (that’s also the name of the bakery). Since we shared the first pie between the four of us (LOL we’re not total cheapos, we just wanted to save room for brunch! .. yeah, right), we thought we should try another pie from the other pie shop. Cos you know, YOLO.

The flavours in this bakery were more authentic indeed. The classics: steak and cheese, and all that (as you can see I’m not a very pie person, so I can’t really recall what else they had). They also had a HUGE range of cakes and pastries, by HUGE – I mean like 3x the size of New Zealand pastries. Unfortunately I didn’t get a photo, cos I didn’t wanna look very tourist like even though we were the only Asians for miles (plus, we were the only ones at the shop at the time).

We chose the Lamb and Mint pie. Flavours wise, yum.
But I must say it was so runny! We bit the pie and all the insides came out. It wasn’t a pretty pie to eat, that’s for sure. And the meat, I think it was rather lacking. THE PASTRY THOUGH. It was really good pastry! The kind of pastry I like, so crumbly and stuff. (I really need to find more vocab for describing pastry).

What if the Southern Pies pies and the Authentic Pies and Pastries pies had a baby? I mean, that would be pretty legit.

We decided to have lunch at Berry, which was around 30km from Kangaroo Valley. Berry is another town away.

The drive there, ugh, the twists and turns I wasn’t fond of. But Berry is a berry nice town indeed (hoho)!

Brunch was at the Berry Sourdough Cafe and Milkwood Bakery. Such a cute place. They even have a cookbook! Every dollar earned from that cookbook goes to the local school! How neat!! Food was also delicious, however I didn’t manage to have the names of the dishes we ate. #failfoodblogger #alsonotontheirwebsite #seasonalfoods #ohwell #justgothere

Also at Berry, we tried their infamous Donut Van. Which I thought was going to be a van consisted many different flavoured donuts. It turned out there was only one type. The cinnamon and sugar donuts. Which was yum, and huge, but something I could have lived without. (I think I was just far too disappointed lol).

With that, the day has come to an end. As we were driving back, it was literally golden hour! So we kind of parked to the side, and tried to capture some photos. Cos. We gotta.

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Summary of Day 1 in Kangaroo Valley & Berry.

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Day two before we went to Fitzroy falls: we went BACK to Southern Pies (cos it was that good) and we took pictures on the entrance of Kangaroo Valley. It was such a foggy morning! & Yeah, we waited for cars to pass and quickly take pictures when there were no cars! Haha.

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Day 2, Kangaroo Valley.

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On our way to Fitzroy Falls, we drove through the fog. We were going away from the valleys too, and once we got out of the valleys – it turns out that it was actually a sunny day! We could see the view from the top! (We had to stop by a lookout, of course!)

Fitzroy falls is gorgeous. There were plenty of options for easier walks as well. However, I think my eyes are generally spoilt by New Zealand scenery.  I didn’t manage to walk the whole thing, but it seems like it was an easy walk. You just need time to do them! We went to the West route, which is easier than the East route.

Many families were carrying their bubbas on their shoulders, or even carrying a buggy. So it’s pretty safe for kids as well!

For our trip we mainly spent on these things…
Kangaroo Valley Lodge, Shoalhaven Cabin: $380 AUD for two days
Apex, Hyundai Elantra 1800cc: around $160-170 AUD for 2 days, $40AUD petrol
Pies: $5-6 each
Brunch: $15-25pp
Dinner: We made our own! (2nd night was chicken curry with rice and naan, but I have no picture. Sadface).

We really enjoyed our time in Kangaroo Valley. Although next time it would be better to stay longer there. At least 3 days, 2 nights! Next time I’d really love to go back in Autumn perhaps, or even late Summer – to experience the kayaking there. It was way too cold to do it this time round.

I love Berry as well. It was BUZZING! For brunch, legit, we had to wait 20 mins for a table! It was a really nice weekend to just slow down, relax, Actually it was like retreat away from the city – which was really nice. Would love to go back again.

More of the rest of my trip in Australia soon!

Till next time,





I am a WOMAN: Give it to me, now!

‘I am a WOMAN’ is a series about my thoughts, my journey, my struggles and my joys of being a woman in today’s world.

The other day, I was having a conversation with someone (who is also the same age as me-ish). We were discussing about how we have become people who cannot wait patiently.

Actually – if you must know, we were talking about how she doesn’t have WIFI in her new place yet – but then the conversation shifted. We talked about how we have become so reliant on the Internet for everything, and how the internet speed now is ‘faster’ to what it was 10-15 years ago (oh gee, just shows how old we are!)

Our ‘fast’ internet have made us crazy, impatient, anxious.

I don’t know about you, but when my Instagram feed is not loading quickly… When it says ‘cannot load’, or ‘error’, and when the loading circle just keeps going round and round: there’s this sleeping monster inside of me waking up.

My tolerance of the speed of the internet has become so low, that when I type something up on Google, or do things on the apps on my phone – I want it done NOW. I want them to respond to me NOW. 

I’ve read on the Boston Globe (click to read the article! SO worth reading), that our tolerance of websites loading, apps responding, videos loading is around 2 seconds. Wow.
2 seconds before the sleeping monsters inside of us wake up.

Somehow, the speed of our internet is culturing us to be impatient beings (or even more than before).

Somehow, I have turned into a whining child.
“Give it to me now!”
“I want it now!”
“Now! Now! Now!”

How did something that is supposed to be beneficial for us, something that is suppose to help us – have somehow gone the other way?

We are teaching ourselves to be impatient.
We are not willing to wait.

We want everything to be done fast. If possible, we’d like to skip the processes of ‘waiting’ or even ‘doing’! That’s why we have a lot of microwaveable dinners available now, because people would rather skip the process of making their meals and let someone else do it for them (even if they don’t know what half of the ingredients are in those kinds of foods).

I have come to learn that processes are so important. Skipping processes could even endanger us.

Let’s talk simple.

For example, when we eat – there are processes. We chew the food so that the food becomes smaller particles that we may swallow. The food travels through the esophagus, and lands in our stomach which then will digest it.

However, if we decide to skip a stage of the process: let’s say we decide to not chew our food and swallow that bite of an apple. Either: 1. you choke, 2. you would eventually have to spit it out because that is far too big for you to swallow.

Or, what if builders decide to skip the most important stage of building by not laying great foundations? Will it not be gone tomorrow? 

Borobudur, Yogyakarta, Indonesia

 In the summer holidays I went to one of the greatest Buddhist temples in the world, Borobudur. Completed in the 9th century and it still stands beautifully today. People that are devoted and passionate want things to last for many years to come. 

We have the power to create a legacy. 

Skipping stages of processes can endanger us.

Somehow we just hate processes. We hate the waiting. We hate the suspense. We hate the doing!

We want our summer bodies in summer, but not willing to work out in the winter (woo, preaching to myself here). We want to have a great paying job, but not willing to volunteer for needed experience. We want to have a great marriage, but not willing to create fundamental foundations prior to it. We want promotions but we aren’t faithful in the little things we have already been given. We want to be millionaires, so we invest in the lottery and hope that luck is on our side instead of doing the hard work! Umm?!

We always want the reward without the work!

We want things in an instant. We think the processes are not important.

We want to get THERE, but we want to skip HERE.
But we can’t get THERE without being HERE.

Even for a tree to grow and shoot to the skies, the roots of the initial seed needs to grow downwards first in the soil before we see anything on the surface.

Curug Cijalu, Purwakarta, Indonesia

The process is usually in the unseen.

It is easy for us to see people’s posts on social media and then compare to our own lives. But what they post is the result of the unseen processes.

So wait, my child. – God.

I am learning. I know the facts: that the processes are needed and how important they are. I am learning to be one who embraces my current situations. For all I know, ever since I could remember – I have always wanted to be THERE than HERE.

But I know that to get THERE, I need to be HERE first. I got to be HERE first. This is my current stage of life, and I’m learning to carefully maximize my HERE and NOW.

Instead of being so impatient and frustrated about the waiting room – If I see it in another light, I can enjoy being HERE. I believe that if we can’t enjoy being HERE, we won’t enjoy it once we get THERE.

So it’s okay that we are not THERE yet. There will be a time and place for it. But what is it can I do right NOW that will strengthen me for my next stage? Because in every stage of life, there is something we need to grasp. If we miss it, we miss the strength that we need for our next.

Be aware that we have a desire for instant gratification and that we may become frustrated when it is not met. We may scream out at the world, at God, at our spouse, at our families because our expectations aren’t met in that moment.

Let’s learn to see “a lot of things that are valuable takes time,” – Worthy.

PS. Does anyone remember Dial Up Internet? That screeching sound though! We waited much more patiently then. 





I am a WOMAN: The Beginning. 

‘I am a WOMAN’ is a series about my thoughts, my journey, my struggles and my joys of being a woman in today’s world.

 In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth — Wait. Perhaps we’ve gone too far back to the beginning!

I have always wanted to write my journey as a person in general, but I thought it would be good (especially for myself) to write about my journey as a woman.

I believe in no coincidences. I believe that everything on this earth was created intelligently for a purpose, and that includes my existence as a woman having a purpose as well.

However, my mindset was not always like that. I have thought I was an accident, that I was born in the wrong family. I have wished I was from a different nationality, I wished I had better metabolism … The list of incontentment went on and on.

How I thought as a young girl was so toxic that I was hurting myself mentally, and in turn – I was thinking that I was a victim all the time. I thought people were out to get me.

When I walked somewhere, I would assume that people are judging me – looking at me – and having bad thoughts about me.


Raglan, Waikato. New Zealand. 
I was so anxious of people having bad thoughts about me. Having this kind of mindset have prevented me to try something new – example: I never went to the gym during the time I was at University (I wish I did – it was only $6 a week back then! Plus, I would have probably gained a few friends from going). I thought by going to classes, or going to the gym, people would be watching me and judging me when I work out.

The wrong mindset trapped me.

Mind you, it never really started this way. Somewhere along my life journey, there were situations that supported me to shape my negative thoughts about myself and about others. But that, is another story.

Where was I?

Oh yes.

I believe in a Creator who makes everything with and for a purpose. Yes, women were made for a purpose! Unfortunately, not all women believe so – and not all groups of communities believe so either. The communities women are in effects her. Some do not believe women were made for a purpose, they dull their purpose down – and the women in those communities aren’t able to maximise their created purpose.

It makes me sad to think that there are still oppression today. It makes me sad to think that there are oppression at all.

Even if women are in communities where they are able to pursue their purpose, some choose not to or they don’t realise they are made for more – and thus not maximising what they were created for.

As women (as a human being), we can easily get lost and distracted by our immediate surroundings and situation, and not realise their is a higher calling beyond the mundane.

I was once lost too, wondering if there is more – and there is!

There is more to life than just doing the 8 to 5 job. There is more to life than satisfying our own needs.

As women who are created by an amazing Creator with a specific purpose, we should intentionally explore what is within us that can contribute to a greater earth.

Let us encourage and remind each other that there is more! That we may see the bigger picture, and see beyond our little world bubble.

After all, women are embedded with power.

I’m excited to be writing my journey on the ‘I am a WOMAN’ series. I pray that it can encourage you (and myself) to keep pursuing our Creator and His Kingdom!




Indeed, only one.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” – Luke‬ ‭10:41-42‬ ‭NIV‬‬

This verse struck me today. It’s as if the Lord was right there in the room, saying it to ME.

“Chrissy, Chrissy… You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one.”

I must admit, I have my shares of worries. I am worrier, it is my default. The melancholic side of me gets the best of me. The war inside of me is still going today.

What if this happens? Will I have enough? Am I enough? What happens when I fail? What happens if … NOTHING happens?

Worries tend to build certain expectations up as well as walls. I try to work harder with my own strength – and then get confused as to why I’m passionless in what I do. I try to organise things in ways so things are under my control, but then get disappointed and angry when there are things that I can’t ever control.

Worries’ roots are based around insecurity.

The Lord was telling Martha there was only one thing that she needed, and that was a relationship with her Creator.

South Island, New Zealand.

The Lord is telling me that there’s one thing that I need. I need my Creator to be BIGGER in my life, that my worries become smaller.

Although there are many things in this life that can make us worry, we shouldn’t worry! God provides all of our needs. (If God doesn’t provide a need, then that means we didn’t need it anyway!)

Our worries can get us stuck in a ‘downcast’ mode. Helpless, hopeless, stuck, stagnant.

When the Israelites went out of Egypt, they also worried about many things. One of the things they were worried about was how they were to conquer the land that God has given them. The Israelites saw the people of that land were ‘giants’ and they saw themselves as ‘grasshoppers’.

Our worries can influence the way we see ourselves, the way we see everything, even the way we see our God!

Martha worried about serving the guests, rather than be with the guests (I must admit, it is so EASY for me to be Martha when I am hosting).

But Mary sat at Jesus’ feet. I’m sure she was listening to His stories, and just taking it all in.

When was the last time we sat at Jesus’ feet, listening to Him, taking it all in?

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Can we hear His soft tender voice, wanting us to come closer to His presence? He doesn’t want us to be just busy. Busy without knowing what we are busy for becomes purposeless wandering.

“Chrissy, Chrissy… You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one.”

God reminded me of this song as I struggled through my worries.

“Your ways are higher, your thoughts are wilder.. Fix my eyes on the things that I can’t see. Still my heart, let your voice be all I hear. Cos I know you’re in this place.”
– Hillsong, Here Now.

Let us all lean closer to Him like Mary did!